


It's worth all the misery

by Anonymous



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt, M/M, Slice of Life, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 18:56:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16001288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Paulo isn't Álvaro's soulmate but it doesn't stop him, even if ithurts.





	It's worth all the misery

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lunasenzanotte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunasenzanotte/gifts).



> For [this prompt on the kinkme](https://footballkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/887.html?thread=66679#cmt66679): Basically, in this world, when you get romantically involved with someone who is NOT your soulmate, it results in bruises, and usually the first painful bruise after an attempt at holding hands is enough of a warning to stay away from that person, but Paulo loves Álvaro and Álvaro loves Paulo and they say a huge fuck you to the universe because they want to be together, and just walk around with bleeding lips and bruises on their cheeks and their whole bodies singing in pain after a night spent together, but they. will. not. stop.
> 
> Title taken from Hurts So Good by Luminites.

“Are you okay?”

Paulo spits the blood in the sink. “Yeah.”

It’s a funny thing, pain.

For most people pain is something to avoid and fear. For Paulo, it’s something that’s such a fundamental part of his life that he can hardly imagine what it would be like without it.

“Let me have a look.” Álvaro’s fingers gingerly feel around Paulo’s lips, brushing softly over them, leaving more pained bruising where they touch Paulo’s skin.

Paulo presses a kiss into Álvaro’s palm. “It’s okay.”

“You’re still bleeding,” Álvaro says. “I shouldn’t have–”

“I wanted you to,” Paulo reminds him. He washes his face, watches the water turn pink. Álvaro offers him a towel to wipe his mouth. “Thanks.”

Paulo finishes cleaning himself off and limps back to the bed. He’s tired and he’s in pain. He can tell where the bruising is going to blossom in full over the course of the next few hours but he doesn’t care one bit. He likes to feel like this. The pain doesn’t even fell like _pain_ anymore, it’s that entwined with the content feeling of happiness. There is no happiness without pain and pain always comes with happiness. His brain stopped distinguishing between the two.

Álvaro settles down on the opposite side, making sure they aren’t touching. He watches Paulo with a worried frown, like he could hear Paulo’s thoughts.

Paulo knows Álvaro can’t do that. They aren’t soulmates.

“I said I’m okay,” Paulo tells him. “How are you feeling?”

The corner of Álvaro’s lips twitches. “Happy.”

Paulo laughs. “Yeah. Me too.”

There are going to be handprints of bruises all over Álvaro tomorrow. Paulo couldn’t keep his hands to himself but it’s not like Álvaro didn’t return the favour of marking Paulo’s body with his touches.

There is a silence when they just stare at each other across the bed. Paulo wants to close the distance but he also needs to catch his breath first. “I don’t know how to quit you.”

Something shifts in Álvaro’s face and he breaks the eye contact, tipping his head back to watch the ceiling above the bed. “I don’t _want_ to quit you,” he says eventually.

The words hang between them as Paulo ponders the meaning. “It’s bullshit anyway.”

“What?” Álvaro turns his head. His eyes are dark and warm and Paulo could spend the rest of eternity staring into them.

Paulo shrugs. “It’s bullshit. The thing with finding your soulmate and being with them.”

Álvaro gulps and extends his hand to Paulo. “Paulo.”

Paulo grabs Álvaro’s hand. Their fingers entwine.

Paulo feels the sting right away, a little jolt that is so familiar it’s not entirely unpleasant. There is something comforting in feeling it. It makes him feel _alive_. It makes him feel loved. “No, I mean. It’s complete bullshit. Soulmates must have boring lives. It’s too easy for them. So dull. Painless and convenient. Is that love? Who decides these things?”

Álvaro doesn’t reply, so Paulo keeps going.

“Look at us. Despite everything. Me and you. Now that’s what I call love.”

Álvaro is still not saying anything but there is definitely a smile on his face.

Paulo has a burning need to kiss his lips again so he does just that. He tugs at their joined hands and Álvaro shifts closer. Paulo kisses Álvaro’s lips and he feels the sting of it. It sends a shiver down his spine. Álvaro must feel it too because he gasps into the kiss and the moan that escapes him is part pain, part pleasure. It’s an addictive combination, Paulo knows.

Paulo parts his lips and lets Álvaro slip his tongue between them. The pain intensifies. Something in his mind is screaming _not your soulmate, not your soulmate_ and something is screeching, just as vehemently, _I know and I don’t care_.

Paulo winds his hands around Álvaro’s torso. It hurts. It feels right. It’s exhilarating.

Paulo doesn’t want to let go.

Álvaro finds a rhythm, rocking into him and thrusting his tongue deeper into the welcoming wetness of Paulo’s mouth. Paulo clings on tighter.

It hurts. Paulo’s skin is overly sensitive from before and every inch of his skin that is in contact with Álvaro is on fire.

The pain fuels their arousal. The pain is a constant reminder of their love because it wouldn’t hurt them otherwise, if it wasn’t love.

They break apart when the pain gets too intense. They’re both out of breath. They sit as close to each other as possible without touching. There is a mad gleam in Álvaro’s eyes.

It’s agony, to stop touching.

Paulo licks his lips. He feels the warmth of the blood, tastes the copper on his tongue.

Álvaro’s voice is a low, husky murmur when he says, “You’ve got anywhere else to be today?”

“I’m free until lunchtime tomorrow.” It’s not long enough for the bruises to fade but Paulo is long past the point of caring and everyone around him is long past the point of _talking some sense into him_. They think he’s gone insane. He has never been more sure of anything in his life.

“Good.” Álvaro opens his arms, beckoning Paulo to press against him again. “That’s good.”

Paulo makes a needy noise and pushes against Álvaro, lets the wave of pain wash over him. He shivers, gasping out Álvaro’s name.

“You’ll be one giant bruise tomorrow,” Álvaro says but he’s not pushing Paulo away.

“Worth it,” Paulo mutters. Blood pools in his mouth, a small trickle escaping from the corner of his mouth and dripping to his chin. Paulo rises up his hand to wipe it off in a practised movement.

Álvaro’s gulp is audible. “Yeah. It really is. They wouldn’t understand.”

“They don’t need to understand. No one else needs to understand but you.”

Álvaro catches Paulo’s gaze. “I understand,” he says.

Paulo has to kiss him again.

Their breaths mingle, their bodies collide, their mouths press into each other and the world fades away into the darkness of pain, pain, pain.

It’s the sweetest thing Paulo ever tasted. Nothing else has ever been this powerful and intense.

He’s happy and he can’t be happy without pain. Paulo braces for it. “Please.” He welcomes it.

“Shh.”

“I need–”

“Okay, okay,” Álvaro says and then his hands are sliding down Paulo’s body and Paulo loses the train of his thoughts.


End file.
